I'm about to put you in the overhead compartment

Listen up you miniature shit machine.  I know you think you're all badass because you have a pair of captain's wings pinned to your onesie but staring at me from over the seat throughout a 5 hour red eye? NOT OK. I was all set to catch up on my US Weekly and eat an entire bag of gummy worms and maybe even take a nap but you have put an end to all that. I don't care about your cookies.  I don't care about them ESPECIALLY when you feel the need to scream "COOKIES" every time the stewardess walks by. SHE HAS PEANUTS YOU ASSHOLE NOT COOKIES. I also don't think she was very impressed when she caught you gnawing on the Sky Mall magazine and now...you're....asleep....asleep on the goddamn back of the chair and there's a trail of drool slowing encroaching on my complimentary soda.  I need the barf bag now, thanks a lot....asshole.

I hope you choke on the toy in your kid's meal

You know what baby errr toddler, this is bullsh*t.  I'm over here trying to work on my fitness and stay fergalicious and you're shoving your high metabolism in my face.  Look at you!  You're double fisting strawberry milkshakes from Burger King, which was all know aren't made with real strawberries, so they have zero nutritional value to them.  IT'S NULL IN VITAMINS.  I don't think you even realize how much you're upsetting your friend over there either.  He's obviously poor and shops at Goodwill, that or he's a hipster.  Check out that 90's Disney shirt he's rocking.  $20 says he "can't feel the love tonight" and he definitely doesn't live by the saying "hakuna matata", but these frat boys on riddlin sure do. 

The creators of YBIAA & some Schmoes

 Okay.  First off.  We here at YBIAA are not dead.  In fact we are very much alive (surviving only by the good grace of coffee and 5 o'clock cocktails...which actually start at noon).  We are also very poor though.  In this economy we have had to actually work to buy important things like; food, gas, gin, American Apparel shiny disco high waisted shorts, vodka, cat food, dog food...mostly food....cause we eat....a lot......and so do our pets.  Anyways, we wanted to explain to you the reason for our absence.  The good news is before the two creators of this website were separated by thousands upon hundred's of thousands of miles, but in 60 days they will live harmoniously in the same city.  So thus, an explosion of hilarious posts will fill your computer screens like H1N2 is filling my lungs right now.  

In other news, we here at YBIAA love to make you laugh.  It's our goal.  So we are going to mooch off of our hilarious friends and share the wealth of Schomesknow.  I won't tell you what their YouTube page is about, you're just going to have to watch it.

p.s. Happy Birthday Kristian

p.s.s. you still look like Dane Cook

p.s.s.s sorry i called you Kristen the first time

Vampires, not just for horny teens

Baby, you really boil my blood. I mean, I knew you were an attention whore before, but going out and intentionally getting bitten by a vampire to capitalize on the success of Twilight and True Blood? That is a horse of a different color. You went from Gerber to devouring the blood of the innocent. You’re trading in your crib for a coffin. DOES ANY OF THIS SEEM MESSED UP TO YOU? Plus, now you’re going to be a baby FOREVER. Did you not see what happened to Kristen Dunst in Interview With a Vampire? Bitch went CRAZY. Why are you looking at me like that? I just nicked myself shaving, asshole. It’s not like I have drool constantly dripping down my face. Get your grubby little paws off of me! HELP! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

My soul is crying tears of fear and terror

The Good Humor man is NOT laughing

OKay! *gasp*  OKAY! *cough* I'm here and I'd like a Flintstones push....up...pop.....oh......it's you.  *SIGH*  Of course YOU baby somehow commandeered this ice cream truck from it's rightful owner and are trying to make a quick buck.  Did you see me in rear view window?? Is that why you weren't stopping?  I HAVE MONEY BABY.  I have a whole 75 cents for you!  Now fork over the Flintstones push up!    What do you mean you're all out?!?!  No! I don't want one of these.  Who wants to suck on James Bond???  What kind of establishment are you running here??? What song is this??? Can you turn the music down, it's interfering with my thoughts of how to drop kick you.   Screw you baby, I'm going to get some Pinkberry.

One extra large sundae with a cherry on top for Alissa.  Thanks for the submission!

Our founding fathers would think you're an asshole

I cannot believe what I am seeing. Are you crying? Really? Because of fireworks? This just further proves my point that you babies are all communists who hate freedom. What's next? Are you going to snub hot dogs? Apple pies? Danny Glover? I want you to take a look at this little girl. She slaves away for hours in firework factories in China so that your fat face can be entertained. She will probably never feel the joy of nearly losing a finger while lighting a firecracker, or scorching off one eyebrow with a roman candle. And here you are, taking all that foreign craftsmanship for granted. Well let me let you in on a little secret. I'm opening a REAL American cafe, and this is going to be our feature dish.

Thanks to Zakary W.(http://zakaryw.blogspot.com ), who is a true patriot for calling bullshit on his own baby.