The creators of YBIAA & some Schmoes

 Okay.  First off.  We here at YBIAA are not dead.  In fact we are very much alive (surviving only by the good grace of coffee and 5 o'clock cocktails...which actually start at noon).  We are also very poor though.  In this economy we have had to actually work to buy important things like; food, gas, gin, American Apparel shiny disco high waisted shorts, vodka, cat food, dog food...mostly food....cause we eat....a lot......and so do our pets.  Anyways, we wanted to explain to you the reason for our absence.  The good news is before the two creators of this website were separated by thousands upon hundred's of thousands of miles, but in 60 days they will live harmoniously in the same city.  So thus, an explosion of hilarious posts will fill your computer screens like H1N2 is filling my lungs right now.  

In other news, we here at YBIAA love to make you laugh.  It's our goal.  So we are going to mooch off of our hilarious friends and share the wealth of Schomesknow.  I won't tell you what their YouTube page is about, you're just going to have to watch it.

p.s. Happy Birthday Kristian

p.s.s. you still look like Dane Cook

p.s.s.s sorry i called you Kristen the first time

Fall into The Ga(ssholes)p

That's right baby...you work hard for that minimum wage money. You got up on your sassy pony (that you won in the war) and start babbling about how you're out growing your position as a model for Baby Gap and where does it get you? A job at Gap Kids. Folding polo shirts and tiny khaki shorts. It's like I can almost see your future and it's not this.. And if tomorrow, you hear about a shipment of khaki baseball caps gone missing......it wasn't me.

I hope you choke on the fumes

Really? Do you even know whats going on with our ozone layer, baby? Probably not. You probably have ZERO interest in saving our environment. You don't care if your car takes premium and only gets 5 miles to the gallon, because as long as you look cool, that's all that matters. Well this baby doesn't worry about how he looks. Sure he might not actually be able to drive anywhere in that thing, but at least its environmentally safe. Shit, he even recycled a box to make his car! I bet you don't even cry when Noah Wilde and his polar bears come on TV. This is bullshit baby! Not too long ago you were hugging the polar bears and now you're killing them. God you're an asshole....

Freeloaders

You really make me sick baby. Arnie the Cat used to be a productive member of this household. Ok, you may not think that chasing invisible flies and rubbing your face all over shit is as productive as say, dropping a load in your pampers, but god, ever since he's taken up with you all he does is sit there like a goddamn house plant. Its bad enough I have to foot the bill for you, but now I have another unemployed asshole sleeping on my floor. WHAT DO YOU GUYS DO ALL DAY? There is no purpose to you, baby.

YOU are a milk snob, baby

What is that? It's milk, baby. We are in a depression and I can't afford to buy you that organic crap in the recycled carton and that vanilla soy shit makes you farty and bloated. I gave up my Voss and Fiji water, so you have to make some sacrifices too! If you're really worried about the chemicals in that milk I'll run it through our Brita filter, but that's all I'm gonna do for you, asshole.

The IRS is onto you, Baby

Baby, I don't know where you received your CPA, but this is bullshit. I did everything you asked. I gathered all of my receipts, including the ones from my car and the ones shoved beneath the couch cushions. I got all these stupid forms and I am paying you $100 an hour and YOUR TINY ADORABLE FINGERS are too small and uncoordinated to work the buttons on the fancy calculator I bought specifically for this occasion. Listen here stubby, a polo shirt and a stack of Post-Its do not make you a tax preparation expert...now let's talk tax credits...hello? HELLO BABY! Are you asleep? You're asleep. And drooling on my new calculator. I hate you, baby.

This asshole killed the American Dream

I should have known a baby was behind this whole financial crisis. Thought I wouldn't figure it out, didn't you baby? Well I just happen to have a pile of receipts here detailing your betrayal of the American public. Let's see...$500,000 life-size Dora the Explorer Statue...$80,000 for premium, bottled breast milk...$900 for a gold plated binky...$50 million corporate jet for Mr. Giraffe...AND $200 for a Wii. Really baby? No...really. Can we take the jet for a spin? Bring the Wii too.

Overdue library books are not a joke, baby*

For the love of God baby, these are tough economic times. People NEED to check out books from the library because they can't afford the loose women, coke and SUVs that entertained them previously. And you roll in here with the one copy of Marley & Me that the library owns THREE WEEKS LATE. Don't you think I have the same need for the heart-warming story of a problematic yellow Labrador as you do?Oh and next time you decide to be "literary" by putting on your dad's glasses when you come to the library, remember to leave the binky at home, you illiterate asshole.



*Thanks to Julian, who isn't as much of an asshole now, for providing his baby photo.

Now I want a Big Mac (2 for $3.50 now at a participating McDonalds near you)

Baby, you are a sell out. Have you no respect for your self? I haven't seen more product placement outside of the Super Bowl. You obviously get some sick pleasure of out being a label whore. How much are they paying* you baby? Whats next? Your own perfume? Like him, her, tranny mess , them, that, what? Maybe a clothing line? How about vodka? hey...P Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean Combs, Puffy Combs, Honey Combs. did it......you might as well hop on the band wagon too. Just remember baby. Modesty always stays classy.



*Anyone who is interested in advertising with us, feel free to e-mail us at yourbaby666@gmail.com

Your baby is an asshole

Bitch! Don't look at me like I owe you money!