lIj ghu 'oH an asshole

Look baby, I know you spent a long time on this get up, but I simply cannot bring you to my International Federation of Trekkers meeting/bar crawl. Klingons are a warrior race, baby, okay? And I'm guessing if a real Klingon saw you in your fuzzy lion-bird-bunny belt, they'd tell you to get that weak shit out of here, or tlhap vetlh weak shit pa' vo' naDev. The Klingons don't even have a word for weak, that's how tough they are. You think you can just draw on some wrinkles with a sharpie and all of a sudden you're Worf? And it really, really doesn't help your case when you show up to the Star Trek movie premiere with this asshole. That leather skirt is really precious though. Did your mommy make that for you?

May the force be with you

Baby, you may be tiny, wrinkled and sometimes green comes out of your poop hole, but you are no Yoda. And I really wish you would stop parading around acting like a Jedi Master that has had one too many Mai Tais at Tatooine.

First of all, Yoda is about 900 years old. That's why he's so wise and has white hair in his ears. I have have half-eaten sandwiches riding around in my backpack that are older than you are.

Secondly, Yoda wears Jedi robes. What I see here is a midget in a lab coat.

Thirdly, a question: what does object-subject-verb mean to you? Uh huh. That's what I thought.

Fourthly, this is just fucking unacceptable.

And finally,...what the...WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Who let a pug in here? Though now that I'm thinking about it, this dog makes a way better Yoda than you ever will. Look at those wrinkles! Oh god its it making scary noises! What? Oh, he's breathing...

Photoshop FAIL

FAIL. Your attempts at Photoshop are one big fail, baby. Really? Dressing up in your Robin costume and making yourself fly? A.) Robin did not have flying powers, SUPERMAN did. This just further proves you know nothing about superhero's, therefor have no right to impersonate one. B.) Robin is probably the worst Superhero you could choose....because he wasn't really a superhero...he was just Batman's bitch boy.


And what IS THIS? It's like you threw the filter they use on 'Days of our Lives' over some picture I took at the family picnic on Saturday. I know this is going to end up as your default on MySpace.


And lastly....NO INSERTING ENDANGERED SPECIES INTO YOUR SEARS PHOTOS. I know you want to appeal as the sensitive environmentalist to the ladies by showing how close you are with these polar bears, but you KNOW polar bears are MY THING. And only I can make bring them justice with Photoshop.

Your mom's shag carpet does not a costume make

Oh big effing deal, baby. You think you schooled me because you have your outfit for this year's Comic-Con already sewn and ready? Well you know what? You don't even look like Chewbacca. At best, you look like an Ewok who has been run through the spin cycle one too many times. And then we've got this idiot who thinks Chewbacca wears a purse. Chewbacca doesn't wear a purse. You know what Chewie does wear, baby? A gentle, hairy shield of justice. And that's what I intend to represent with this bad boy. I'll see you there suckers. Oh, and if that isn't enough, I've got my Dr. Manhattan costume for the second day. I just hope it doesn't rain....That could get awkward with the blue paint...

Back away from the president, you commie

Look at this little terrorist trying to put the muzzle on President Obama. But you know what baby? You can't put a muzzle on freedom. Oh no you cannot. Obama is about to put the smack down on your first-amendment-hating ways. See this guy? Yeah, that's right. That's our VICE PRESIDENT. Wait a minute...its this guy? You may have won this round baby, but we shall meet again.

WoW (World of Warcraft)

Look baby, I'm not having it. I know we are in the same realm and on opposing factions, you're a mage and I'm a mage, we fight in a virtual world all day long...but when you show up at the same WoW party, in the same costume as me....YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR. I will use my spirit healer to resurrect the graveyard with no delay. Prepare for death baby.